The first thing that came out of my mouth when I woke up this morning was fuuuuu*k drawn out in a yawn. My body was bone tired and my brain was in a complete fog but I knew I just needed to get up and face the day. The past few weeks have been a little heavier than the normal heavy around here – injured husband, ornery kids, hard conversations with family, grieving lost loved ones, etc. so I’ve been trying to build in small moments throughout the day to read, write, or listen to music- all things that help me decompress and generally boost my mood. I decided to put on “It’s Gonna Be a Lovely Day” and get ready for the day.
If you follow me on social media, you may have seen a recent post where I referenced making space for feelings. I am trying so hard to give myself the time and space to do just that and it’s safe to say I am feeling all the feels and it is hard but ultimately good. It feels better than burying them. My therapist warns me on a weekly basis that if you don’t make time for your feelings, they will catch up to you and it’s usually not when it’s convenient. My massage therapist reminds me about the impact on my body as she kneads out all of the tiny balls of stress I’ve stored within the depths of my shoulder blades.
Last night my sweet 5 year old looked at me at bedtime and said, “It’s not fair! Why is someone always hurt or having surgery or has a heaaadache or dies?!” That headache comment was definitely directed at me and I sensed a little sarcasm… He’s overwhelmed by all that life has thrown at us the past few months and while I hate that he has to experience it all, I know I can’t shield him from everything. Life is hard and working through the challenging times is the only way to get through them. I’ve found that if I focus on validating his feelings and meeting him where he is instead of trying to brush by them, he’s able to feel those feelings and move on.
My husband had neck surgery this week and while I was in the waiting area for 5 hours, I managed to fall asleep. I NEVER fall asleep in public places but I was so dang tired that I propped my feet up and literally fell into the deepest sleep I’ve had in a long time. In a hospital. In a waiting area filled with people. Totally asleep. Is this vacation? The man that had to wake me up to let me know the surgeon was ready to see me was very sweet and left me a blanket so I could get back to my coma upon return. I scrolled through my phone, listened to Instagram stories, streamed the Meghan and Harry interview and napped- it was literally the most relaxing few hours I’ve had in a very long time and my husband was having surgery. I should probably bring this up to my therapist next week…Anyway, his surgery went great and although he took quite a while to wake up afterwards, he was feeling pretty good. He will have to take it easy the next 6 weeks until we follow-up with his surgeon but we really hope he starts to feel good as new sooner rather than later. That being said, I felt so much relief after the surgery was over that I sort of forgot about the recovery and restrictions. No lifting more than 10lbs (aka kids), no raising your arms above your shoulders, no turning your head farther than x, etc. The journey is just beginning.
My husband’s mom and step-dad drove into town on Sunday like knights in shining armor. Since their arrival they have watched the kids, done school and daycare drop offs, cleaned my minivan (not for the faint of heart), done laundry, matched 123591705 pairs of socks, made food, cleaned every room, swept the garage, and then some. They are incredible. I literally just asked them to take over my life for a few days so I could try to keep the wheels on the bus and my goodness they have delivered. When I saw the stacks of folded laundry the first night, I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and said “This is normally what my mom would help with but she just can’t anymore.” I’m thankful for all of the people that step in and keep us on track when we need it the most.
I mentioned a few things above but I wanted to walk through a few specific things I’ve been trying to implement to give myself space to work through my emotions in real time as well as give myself time to decompress and unwind. It’s important on any given day but makes a world of difference on the days I feel completely overwhelmed. I tend to shutdown when this happens and go into auto-pilot mode which truly is just about survival- no one is enjoying my company during these moments. I sat down and took an inventory of the things that have been working lately and wanted to share them here with the hope that they might give you the nudge you need to take care of yourself when the world feels heavy.
- Reading: Most days, I don’t have a lot of “me” time so I like quick solutions that help me reset throughout the day. When I need a distraction to get my mind off of something, typically when my mind is racing, I’ll take a few minutes and read a book. I like to choose light and easy reads, suspenseful storylines that suck me in or motivational books that give me the push I need to be productive. Side note: I love a good podcast or listening to books on audible but for these examples, I genuinely need a physical book to hold and read. When my mind is racing, I tend to zone out if I’m listening to a story and it’s not nearly as effective.
- Music: When picking up a physical book and reading for a few minutes isn’t an option or I’m overwhelmed and genuinely feel like I can’t focus on anything, I put my AirPods in and listen to music. This is equally effective in the car and I totally did this driving back and forth from the hospital while singing at the top of my lungs. Bonus? Sometimes the right song opens up the flood gates and I release everything in a good cry session.
- Meditate: I have a really hard time falling asleep so I’ve started using the calm app to walk me through meditations. I climb into bed, settle in and pick a meditation that helps me to focus on breathing deeply, clearing my mind and ultimately I drift off to sleep more easily than I ever could on my own.
- Walking/Sunshine: The last thing I need during the afternoon slump is something that would make me fall asleep so I opt for a quick walk whenever I can. If the sun is shining, I get outside but even a walk around my office building helps to reset and allows me to process through whatever is on my mind and focus on powering through the day.
- Journaling: Lastly, it never ceases to amaze me how helpful it is to get things out of my head and onto a piece of paper. Writing had always been my favorite outlet but I never really understood how helpful it is to get everything out of my brain and on the page- it makes the scary things feel more manageable and allows me to get things out that I likely would never say out loud. The thoughts you’re embarrassed to even think or the things that make you feel wrapped in guilt- get them out of your body and onto a page and I promise you will feel the difference. Note: if you can’t remember how to write because the world is all about texting and typing these days, use your Notes app on your phone! You can even do talk to text and just vent out what’s on your mind. Yes, you might feel weird doing it but weird is better than legit going crazy.
Now it’s your turn- what do you do to take care of yourself when everything is fine but nothing is really fine?
-T-
