It’s really no secret to people close to me that I do not handle stress well {if at all}. I either manifest physical symptoms {stomach ache, muscle aches, etc.} or emotional ones {irritability, crying, lashing out}…I know lovely, right? I’ve come to recognize this in myself and sometimes I feel like I’m getting better and then WHAM- I turn into a big jerk and wish I could take my foot out of my mouth and start over.
An incident like this happened today and it was with one of my absolute best friends. I have been insanely stressed and overwhelmed about our financial situation since D lost his job and I think I thought {or pretended…} like we had it way more under control than we actually do. He’s currently working two jobs and still making about half what he was before. If we just had our regular bills to pay, it would be one thing, but with the wedding and honeymoon creeping closer and closer + all of the other miscellaneous gifts and things that go along with that that need to be purchased, the numbers just do not add up. Anyway, I took out some of this stress on aforementioned friend and I deeply regret it. I apologized of course and sent her a note to try to explain where I was coming from…I’m not about excuses but I think it helps when people explain where they are coming from and why they may have acted the way they did in situations like these.
I hope she can move past my jerk-moment and forgive me for lashing out. We’ve been friends for almost 19 years and we rarely fight. I’ve been sick to my stomach about it.
I am bound and determined to find better ways to cope with stress and manage myself when I get overwhelmed. This has been a life-long battle and it’s just not fair to me or the people in my war path. I am praying for strength and patience during this time of uncertainty…I know that D and I will figure it out but sometimes it’s hard to see the silver lining. Instead of continuously beating myself up about it, I am just going to vow to do better…again and again. That’s all we can do, right? Continue to improve and at least learn from our mistakes, because Lord knows they are bound to happen.
I am thankful that tomorrow is a brand new day and I can start fresh and leave the worries of the day behind me.
-T-
