I hate the sadness. The soul crushing ache that creeps in and lingers, always present, always reminding me of the fragile facade I’ve built. Life is so damn hard right now. So. Hard. I knew having 3 little kids very close together would be hard. I assumed marriage would be hard. I didn’t anticipate the demands in the context of the unknown. I didn’t anticipate cancer and surgeries, infections and doctors appointments. I anticipated tantrums and lack of sleep, short fuses and teachable moments. I didn’t anticipate the heartbreak of perfectly healthy parents quickly becoming anything but.
Our community of support is a good one. But I don’t even know what to ask for. Am I okay? Are we okay? Not really. But what cures a broken heart? A shattered image of decades full of moments and memories? Lasagna is cool but will it help heal the constant ache in my belly? Will it ease the burden of too many worries, too many unknowns?
I found a wonderful therapist- truly exactly the type of person I hoped to find. I probably drink too much wine but it provides a delightful temporary escape. I listen to music really loudly and dance around the kitchen with my babies. I eat too many deliciously comforting carbs. I write. I’ve lowered my expectations of just how many things I can successfully juggle and I attempt to focus my energy on the things that truly matter. I’m saying yes more and overthinking less. I’m chasing sunshine wherever I can find it. I’m trying. But it’s hard and sometimes admitting just how hard it is, helps.
I write for the cathartic release but I’m also not naive enough to think this is as hard as it gets. So…I’m curious, how have you handled difficult moments or periods of time in your life? How do you navigate grief and joy, laughter tinged with pain? I think sharing our stories, connecting with others along the way, helps it all seem worth it and purposeful. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments! ❤️
As always, thank you for reading and thank you for your support.
Until next time…
-T-
One thought on “Hurts to be Human”
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Hate that you are hurting but you write about it so beautifully. I have no advice. No words of wisdom. Just sending warmth and love.